One thing among many that sucks as you get older are when people leave. I don’t mean people leaving because something has happen between you two, I mean the kind of leaving where everything is perfectly fine and someone just wants something different in their life. Maybe a new location, or a new group of friends or they need to do this to become who they want to be. It sucks because you will always want the best thing for this person and you honestly hope they get everything they want out of life, but there is always a sting that comes with the leaving. A hole gets punched inside of you and it never fills up again, you just learn to live with the hole, differently. You try to be as supportive as possible, but you still cant seem to help but be upset with this person for leaving this hole inside of you. It really isn’t fair until you think that you might have that same effect on other people and you yourself might have left a hole inside someone else, forever. As I have gotten older this feeling has happen more to me than my body can probably take. I have so many god damn holes inside me I feel overwhelmed at times. I scroll through social media and all of a sudden I get stopped by a picture of a girl who use to be a best friend of mine or a picture of an ex boyfriend hanging out at a bar with people who use to be my friends too. Even my current best friend who has moved away for work, or my cousin who had moved to another state to find herself. I hate to tell everyone, but this doesn’t go away, this feeling doesn’t get easier. Missing people is the worst kind of sadness. It’s that weird in between feeling of knowing you are going to be okay and completing wanting to cry, or it’s the longing for the old days when they were down the street from you and you were both single and young. Who doesn’t miss those days? When it’s the people that might of gotten you through some hard times and now they are leaving on an adventure without you, you can’t help but feel more alone than ever. And I know these feelings are somewhat selfish of me to feel. Why cant I just be happy for them and feel joy that they are doing good or I am doing better without them? No matter what people around you will leave physically, but not always emotionally and those are the ones worth crying over.
Good Luck Angela.