I have gone back and forth many times about what I want this blog to be truly about. Who are the people I want to reach the most. I thought I wanted to tell stories about the stupid things I do so that other people could relate and maybe not feel so alone, and I still want to do that, but the one common thing I want to talk about on this blog is being in your late 20s and single.
This seems like a large topic, which is good. There are so many things that have changed in my life since I have turned 25 while being single is not one of them because that is nothing new for me, but things have definitely shifted.
For starters I have been to about 6 weddings since I turned 25 and mind you I am only 26. So naturally my grandma and grandpa have made it their job to remind me how important it is to find someone that “truly cares about you”. My friends are getting fucking pregnant on purpose, which still blows my mind. I mean I can barely force myself to shower every other day, I can’t imagine having a little human person that depends on me every second of the day. It is no longer acceptable to drink on week nights (WTF), and closing a bar down just isn’t heard of even on the weekends. These are just a few examples to get me started. So you know, I am over here living at my parents, no kids, and I still think corporate jobs are overrated. Did I mention also single, like very single, like I don’t know if I believe I have a soulmate single?
The biggest thing I noticed for myself after my quarter of a century birthday is it was way easier to get fat! Thank father time, you asshole. Now it takes me 2 weeks to lose a pound and 1 hour to gain it back. Also I use to be able to drink anyone under the table and still walk my drunk ass home, and now I am in my “black out phase” as I like to call it (well I hope it’s just a phase). It does not matter how high my drinking tolerance is, I still blackout after a certain point and it’s the fucking worse! My old brain gets confused and just stops working, like it’s trying to tell me “bitch you’re fucking old, when are you going to learn that drinking this much is not good.” So instead I get in more trouble, I have gotten in more fights, talked to more cops, and peed my pants more times after the age of 25 then I did when I was 21 in fucking college. Ain’t that some shit!
Next, all of a sudden everyone is into being healthy, working out, and eating right. Like ok I get it you go to the gym on a regular basis, yay for fucking you! Shouldn’t we have always been doing these things? Your not fucking special, the only thing you are going to get is a participation ribbon and a few extra likes on your gym photo if you end up at the gym 6 times a week. I cant say to much because I did jump on this rollercoaster as well, but I don’t tell anyone or post pictures. Mostly I don’t want to get held accountable to go to the gym every single god damn week, because once people find out where you workout they want to use you as motivation and they count on you to go with them, believe me it’s a whole thing.
The next big difference I have noticed is it is no long ok to be a waitress. No joke the day I turned 25 I got the question “So what do you want to do for a career?”. I would always answer “I don’t know….. be a waitress.” Seriously what is so wrong with that. When I am at the restaurant I work hard, I get to talk to people, and I make a hell of a lot more money than I would at any entry level job. Down sides are there is no room for advancement and realistically it is not a job you would normally want to do all the way up until you retire. Anyways because everyone around me was making this into a big deal I didn’t feel like I was dong enough, like I was just settling. I got actually depressed people! I got depressed about something that other people were telling me I needed in my life. To me I was living the fucking dream! I was working with 3 of my best friends who I had served with for years. My boss was inappropriate, but hilarious and I was making fat cash, and most days I only had to work 5 or 6 hours tops. See the fucking dream! I had free time to travel and be with my friends and family and I was in the process of becoming a manager. But still because of everyone around me I felt that is wasn’t enough. Even though I was living the life I wanted to live probably drank a bit to much, but I was happy most days. To me the only thing I needed to do was make enough to get out of my parents house and boom! my life was complete. But because of my upbringing and basically everyone I know screaming in my ear about finding a career. I got myself a very sexy 9-5 job at a startup website marketing company as a coordinator. I very quickly realized how much I fucking hate desk jobs! I fucking hate working for other people, helping them build their dreams. What’s sad to me is everyone has an idea but very few people have the means or motivation to get up off their asses and start something, so I’m just the schumk that didn’t get up off my ass, so I’m stuck here working for someone that did. I hated myself! I didn’t fit in at all because I am not use to having to worry about being “work appropriate”, so I had to watch what I would say at all times and cussing is out of the question. My butt actually hurt at the end of the fucking day! My butt! Never thought I would say those words. I felt like I was losing my wit and sense a humor little by little each day. Now if you haven’t noticed that I am speaking about this job in the past tense, so i feel like I should mention I am still at this job. Thank you society! Some pros about the job is I pretty much watch youtube videos all day and I got the time to sit down and start this blog! I guess sometimes you gotta do things you don’t necessarily want to do, but in the end I feel like I am trying to go somewhere even though I actually am not moving forward at all.
As I am moving into present tense I feel like its important to talk about the living situations after 25. Your options consist of living with your significant other, a roommate, your parents, or your god damn self. Significant other would be great if I fucking had one, the roommate thing is fun but at the same time the fucking worse for many reasons, your parents even if they are great still is never a place you want to be and by yourself is the tits, but also can be lonely. So for the last year and some months I have been hanging at the rents crib, some to save money other because I have a dog and a cat and no one will rent to me and last because my roommate moved in with her boyfriend. One great thing about staying at my parents is I got to be lost. I got to travel and save money and apply to jobs and go on interviews and even turn down jobs because I didn’t have to worry about paying rent. Such a cool opportunity right? Yes and no, because did I fully accept this opportunity? No, I mostly partied my little ass off and ate a shit load of food my mom bought for me. So am I lazy? No I am not, just completely unmotivated. It is damn hard to find something that makes you want to wake up in the morning, and if you have something work everyday on that shit because I don’t know if you understand how rare that is!
So basically living at my parents was helping me save money, but not helping me move forward in life. To be honest before moving back to my parents, when I lived with a roommate it was the same shit, no motivation to be anything better. I had someone to party with and go get food with and talk to. I could pay my rent most months and I had a beer pong table. Once again living the god damn dream, up until she got a boyfriend and was never around anymore. But I was still stuck in the same place doing the same things. I really just needed to grow up but when I had to move back to my parents, I did the opposite of that. So for a solid 6 months I was putting feelers out there to find myself my own place. I needed this, I needed to be independent and pay rent again no matter how much I hated giving money to a place I will never own.
So back to the present, I found a dump of a place and have officially moved all my shit in. The rain might of ruined my mattress and the electricity was still turned off (because seriously moving into this place was the definition of Murphy’s law), but it’s all mine. On one hand I’m freaked, I have only lived by myself once after my ex boyfriend and I broke up. I ended up stayeding in our one bedroom apartment for 6 months after, but then on the other hand I am so excited to be back to just me. I can shower and walk out the bathroom naked and I can have boys over! Since I was living at my parents I would have to say my love life was on hold.
So all of these problems occur when someone is stuck in the in between stages of life. I am not settled, but I am old enough that I could be. So everyone has a fucking opinion. Why is it so hard to just stop looking at other people’s lives and just live my own? Why do I have to care what other people have to say about how I choose to do things? Life is a bitch ain’t it?! And to everyone who is reading this who can relate maybe even a little bit, I just want to say try your hardest to stop! Fuck everyone! Seriously do what makes you happy and live your god damn life. Because I know this is cliche, but we only get one chance and that my friends scares the shit out of me! All I know is I don’t want to be lying on my death bed wishing I would’ve done something different. I want to know I lived my life for me! On my own terms and for fuck sakes I was generally happy!
Hopefully one day I will listen to my own advice.